Blimey! What you don’t expect hits you right between your jelly legs

Okay, heads a spin. Just a twirling and a whirling and I’m not sure what to think.

Had a “date” today…well…two Internet friends deciding to meet up for breakfast to see if we got along in this real-life place as well as we do on t’internet. Had a lovely old time…breakfast meet…day spent shopping and laughing…ice-cream consumed.

Then we get back to mine and after a cursory cup of tea…she suddenly but gently holds my hand and looks at me…in that way…you know? I mean…I am the most useless at reading signs but I am sure there were none to read on this occasions…not even in big pink neon this time! So what did I do? I did what any inexperienced lesbian would do…my hands started to shake and go clammy. Thankfully this didn’t seem to put her off her stride and…well…we kissed…and stuff. Nothing sexual happened. Least not what I would call sexual but it was a new experience for me and one I am still shaking from. Fuck! (apologies) But I mean…I so wasn’t expecting it. I so wasn’t.

I’m sitting here now…barely 30 mins since she finally dragged herself away…and I’m so confused I can’t even begin to think. Not confused about my feelings but hers towards me. It seems from all she has said that she can’t see a relationship forming but she also said she doesn’t do what she did with me with just anyone. So, am I stuck in the middle between a non relationship and casual sex? If so, what does that actually make me?

All I know is that the way my body responded told me everything I needed to know about my feelings towards her. I just can’t fake that response from myself. All I can do now is sit and wait. Perhaps I will never hear from her again…perhaps it will just be friends again next time…perhaps it may be a casual fling. Who knows? Still, she tasted wonderful and I don’t want to eat tonight to let anything take that way.

Blimey. Life. Smiles.