I don’t know if you still read this

but if you do…can we talk?

I’m feeling somewhat lost the way the night fizzled out. We never really got a chance to talk or catch up or have some quiet time together. I have an awful fear that one situation and my response to it will cause you to travel further in to the shadows of my life, when for a while I thought a beacon of hope had been spied amongst the trees.

I can’t stop running certain events of that night through my mind…certain looks people gave me…utterances made…wishful thinking on others behalves. Was I seeing all that was not really there?

All I have left is…what if?

Dumped

Heartbroken. Crying. Dead. Confused. Crying. Lost. Crying. Alone. Struggling. Missing. Wishing I was dead. The pain is too much.

Valentine’s Day

So another VD over but oh my what a yummy one to savour for the next year. Not even 24 hours together to share it but every second felt like it could have been as though we’d spent a  lifetime together. Hmm…now that doesn’t sound like it’s a good thing if you read it one way! It is though, it is! What I mean is that it felt so comfortable, so easy, so natural, so everything, to do what we did and even what we didn’t do. Resting in each others arms was as glorious as…well…you can guess…some of it.

The only downside was having to say goodbye this morning but even that has it’s upside as to say goodbye to the one you love means that you can say hello again all over again the very next time. Thankfully my next hello will not be as long in the waiting as this one was. Two weeks apart is not good for the soul you know. Not good at all.

So, cards and presents exchanged, champagne consumed and the flat trashed (well, not exactly but it’s not as pristine as it was!) and I thought I would be sitting here heavy of heart and morose of mood being alone but I’m not. I’m not because I have my memories already stored and my dreams of tomorrow only just beginning. I’m not because to be loved means that you can never be blue…just a little off colour perhaps now and then…but never blue. No, to be loved by and to be in love with my angel, is to be in bliss.

Big smile here.

I love my girlfriend

Plain and simple.

I tell her often but I think, sometimes, she might forget. Probably because of my personality being a little bit different from hers. Anyway, this blog was not to go in to details but just to say, obviously,

I love you

Apologies

I  am so, so very, very sorry. Who’d have thought that when I landed on this new venue for my blog that the majority of them would be happy…about love even! But I guess that is where my head is right now. Anyone who may have known me on Yahoo must be wondering what the heck has happened to me. Well, J has happened to me and happened to me in ways that surprise and delight even me.

So, J. That’s all you are getting for now wondering readers although she deserves a proper revelation at some point…in big gold sparkly letters…and spotlights…and a standing ovation…with a bouquet. Okay, so maybe some of you might be feeling a little queasy with how I am expressing myself lately but A) I don’t care and B) I can’t help it and C) See A).

I was going to write a lot more but once again my thoughts can not remain focused on the idea I had. My mind is drifting to the highways and byways where a certain lovely someone is currently driving a long way through the dark to her home. I just wish that I could have been there waiting for her to snaffle her all up and show her just what she means to me rather than with words that fail to do justice to even a zillionth of my feelings. But, alas, I cannot. So hopefully, when she reads this, a smile will creep across her face.

Am I right sweetheart?